This post is about two things, all connected by one person.

I’ve written about Mark Nepo before- he’s a philosopher and grounds me AND he’s one of the 5 people I’d have at my dream dinner if I could have anyone there.  The idea is that if you could bring together a group for an intimate dinner, who would they be and why?  I’ve been taught that this says something about who you are and these people usually have qualities that you either see in yourself or admire and wish you could steal a little bit of their mojo.  My others guests are Lady Gaga, The Girl with The Dragon Tatoo (the actual character), Stefan Sagmeister, and Brene Brown.  I was actually only supposed to have 4 guests, but I just couldn’t choose between Gaga and Lisbeth Salander- both totally ballsy and beautiful and kick-ass.  Lately I’ve been wanting to be kick-ass in career, life and just in general.  Sidenote:  as I was researching this, I came across THIS LINK to a collection of GWTDT-inspired clothing.  More on that later.

This is what my dinner would look like, I guess.

This was such a fun exercise, but I also wanted to talk a bit about Mark Nepo and his role in my dinner/life.  I read a passage from The Book of Awakening daily and it always gets me how very close it hits to home.  Today’s passage was about POWER– and how our interpretation of power can be extremely destructive to our lives.   Mark is inspiring, deep and he reminds me to be mindful and grateful for where I am every moment.

Here it is below.

More Power to You, by Mark Nepo from “The Book of Awakening”

I was waiting for a plane when I overheard two businessmen.  One was sharing the good news that he had been promoted, and the other, in congratulation, said, “More Power to You.”

I’ve heard this expression before, but for some reason, I heard it differently this time and thought, what a curious sentiment.  As a good wish, the assumption is that power is the goal.  Of course, it makes a huge difference if we are wishing others worldly power or inner power.  By worldly power, I mean power over things, people, situations–controlling power.  By inner power, I mean power that comes from being part of something larger– connective power.

I can’t be certain, but I’m fairly sure the wish here was for worldly power, for more control.  This is commonplace and disturbing, as the wish for more always issues from a sense of lack.  So the wish for more power really issues from a sense of powerlessness.

It is painfully ironic that in the land of the free, we so often walk about with an unspoken and enervating lack of personal freedom.  Yet the wish for more controlling power will not set us free, anymore than another drink will quench the emptiness of an alcoholic in the grip of his disease.

It makes me think of a game we played when I was nine called King of the Hill, in which seven or eight of us found a mound of dirt, the higher the better, and the goal was to stand alone on the top of the hill.  Once there, everyone else tried to throw you off, installing themselves as King of the Hill.  It strikes me now as a training ground for worldly power.

Clearly, the worst position of all is being King of the Hill.  You are completely alone and paranoid, never able to trust anyone, constantly forced to spin and guard every direction.  The hills may change from a job to a woman to a prized piece of real estate, but those on top can be so enslaved by guarding their position that they rarely enjoy the view.

I always hated King of the Hill–always felt tense in my gut when king, sad when not, and ostracized if I didn’t want to play.  That pattern has followed me through life.  But now, as a tired adult, when I feel alone and powerless atop whatever small hill I’ve managed to climb, I secretly long for anyone to join me.  Now, I’m ready to believe there’s more power here together.

It’s Tuesday and only 3 days before a big project I’ve been working on launches–The Cleveland Flea.  I’m at once thrilled, and terrified.  I was chatting with a friend today and came upon this thought.  I struggle to live in the clouds, all ambitious and inspired, yet am constantly brought back down to earth, and sometimes have an extremely hard time even picking one toe up off the ground without convincing myself that I’m irresponsible, or worse, just not good enough to pull things off.  How am I going to soar that way?  You see, we all have ambitions and want to live with purpose (well, I would hope we all do).  At least my clients, creative entrepreneurs, want to live this way.  But it is a struggle.

Maybe this happens to you as well.  I am almost overflowing with amazing ideas.  Things that inspire me, things that make me feel alive, things I want to do and see and create.  That’s not the problem.  What happens as soon as those ideas start to gain footing?  I’m paralyzed.  By fear, overwhelm, uncertainty (will anyone come to the Flea??) and pesky little thoughts creep back into my head, like:

1. Why did I take on so much?
2. I shouldn’t have even gotten involved in this.
3. I feel terribly out of control.
4. What if it fails?
5. Should I stop this whole entrepreneurial thing and just get a real job?

But, take heart my friends, this is fear and vulnerability creeping up on us.  And one thing I’ve definitely learned from Brene Brown is that you cannot numb these emotions if you’d also like to experience the joys and highs once you’ve achieved and surpassed these seemingly impossible feats.  Risk will be scary, otherwise it’s not risk, and probably not worth it.

I’ll elaborate more on this over at Indie Foundry, and have a little handy guide to help you beat back those negative thoughts when you’re trying to live in the clouds.

I don’t yet know what I want this post to be about.  I think it’s about the fact that I miss my friends, and not just the way that you miss someone who is on a long trip, whose return you expect and look forward to every moment until you can hold them close again.  No, I think its more a dull pang, never ending, because I miss them in my daily life.  What I know about myself is that if my soul isn’t being fed daily by what matters to me, I will wither:

1. my friends, who are essentially my family
2. good and purposeful work
3. creativity
4. closeness with loved ones
5. sharing experiences (tragedies, triumphs, life lessons, soul searching, etc.)
6. the ability to achieve things I set out to do
7. health
8. lighthearted fun
9. the ability to express my emotions
10. helping and caring for others
11. excitement and challenge

This is not meant to be a feel-good post, or even a feel-sorry-for-me post. It’s merely an observation about what it took to bring my own life into focus.

Is it true that we gravitate toward people who have something in them that we wish we had?  Like courage, or their shit together, or a lightness of heart, or the ability to be cool under pressure, or success, or family, or beauty, or perfection.  Maybe this is just my list.  But I have a bad habit of neglecting my own spirit in favor of putting those types of people in my life.  Those that I admire, those that make me feel a little closer to having my shit together, being cool under pressure, having success, feeling like I have a family, etc.  But people, we can only do this so long, until our soul screams out at us.  And that is what mine did a few years ago, when, even though I’m extremely embarrassed to bring it up, I found myself in a marriage that did not work for me, and I was dismantling it piece-by-piece without even realizing it.  And do you know what I think what the biggest factor missing?  It was a closeness to others, to the ones I loved, to having friends and academics in my life, to connection.

You see, I had moved to Cleveland fresh out of Graduate School, where I had made so many lovely friends and my daily life was filled with seeing, interacting and having a true connection with those friends.  I was actually really excited about starting a new life here and I had no idea that my life would soon unravel.  I’ve done a fair amount of analysis, as I tend to do, and I’ve identified a few factors that put my pour soul into such a tailspin.  I don’t want to get too personal, because this involves more than just me, but I think that most people could relate to these circumstances.

1. A big move.  This is very stressful, and if you don’t have a good support system, you can end up feeling quite lonely and overwhelmed.
2. An uncertain economic climate.  Within 6 months of moving to Cleveland, I had been laid off from my first firm.  Then, as soon as I had gotten close with new colleagues, my office shut down.
3. Lack of a solid support system.  My friends have always been my family, and all of them were miles and miles away.  It was never accepted that my friends were my family, and I was pretty much discouraged to continue considering them as such.
4. Marriage.  Big decisions, life-changing moments.  I began planning my wedding during all of this craziness.
5. An inability to put myself first without feeling extreme anxiety.  I had never been good about calmly letting my goals be known.  I have since understood the importance of this and have gained an ability to make my feelings known and really prioritize them, though it is still a struggle for me.  When we feel that we have no ability to feed our souls, we wither, and then we are in serious trouble.
6. Zero daily connection to people and things that I loved.  People get busy, they plan weddings and have children.  I lost my job and my focus really had to be making sure that we could pay our bills.

What I think really put me over the edge was a lack of my solid support system AND my inability to see my needs and feelings as just as important as planning a wedding, changing my name, being a wife, taking care of another, paying my bills, finding a new job, etc.  What I tell many of my clients, when they’re struggling to leave the security of a 9-5, is that finding a way to do what they love and truly create the life that fills their soul IS just as important, if not more important, than just paying their bills.  I did not grow up this way, and I think it’s one of the hardest things for me to grasp and really hold on to.  Finding and caring daily for those that you love, creating a life that you love, and doing things that make you feel alive is what sustains us to be able to pay the bills, put the hard work into relationships, take our health seriously, protect what we have, etc.  It is our motivation, and working only for security and money will lead us to fill our souls in other, much more destructive ways, as I found out myself.

I certainly don’t advocate my own path for anyone else, but it has given me that perspective I needed to stay courageous when things are tough, and to know that it is worth it to do things for myself, that feed my soul.  And I think I finally know what it means to truly love another person, because I finally know what it takes to love myself.  It might be a little late, and I still might struggle, but I get closer each day.

Freelancing is something that I simultaneously love and don’t love.  Mostly I love it, but there are certainly challenges to any work situation.

For me, the pluses are:

• I can work from my home office
• I can start my day as early or as late as I want
• I can go travel anywhere, at any point, as long as I’ve planned accordingly
• I can take a break to do yoga or work out or make myself lunch, if I feel like it
• I’m totally in charge of my day
• I look out at Lake Erie every morning
• I can choose to make “inspiring myself” by reading, writing and having my morning coffee as my priority when I wake up (I’ve always struggled to make time for myself, so it’s much easier at home, though it surprisingly causes me a bit of anxiety if I’m not working working working)

My struggles are:

• I’m totally in charge of my day—->can lead to a lack of accountability and keeping strict deadlines
• I’m a people person, so I kind of crave daily connection to others
• Keeping a work/life separation is difficult.  I will feel the need and ability to work 24 hours a day, which can lead to burnout
• Part of living life is learning from others, and being in contact with others, and I could be missing out on some of that———->things can get very insular, and perspective is necessary to keep yourself mentally balanced
• Establishing a structure is more challenging for me, and I do find myself in need of that
• Sharing triumphs and tragedies (a little dramatic, I know) is not as meaningful with my cat, Simon, as it is with others that are freelancers, or just people in general
• Inspiring others is sort of big on my list, and it’s definitely easier to do if you actually run into people daily

Here are a few coworking spaces and some sweet offices that have cropped up in recent years, to address many of these same feelings.  Despite people having the ability to work on their own, we’re still meant to interact with others.

Hub Melbourne

Hub Melbourne

The Coop, Chicago

Treehouse Office, Belgium

Treehouse Office, Belgium

Chicago Coworking

Chicago Coworking

Looking at these images put me in a super awesome mood.  I love the creativity and originality and energy just oozing from each space.

What are your challenges whether you work in an office or on your own?

I really love this video series by creative couple, Jacob Krupnick and Youngna Park.  These photographers created a feature-length music video (arranged by chapters for the moment) all to the tune of Girl Talk.  What I love most about it is how they use dance to capture emotion and music to free the dancers from cultural norms.  If you know anything about Girl Talk (he’s from Cleveland!  Holla!) you’ll know that the soundtrack itself is already subverting the traditional way that music is produced.  One of my favorite cuts is titled “Enter the Gentleman”.  The dancing is mesmerizing and it perfectly captures the emotions of intrigue and excitement when we meet someone we’re truly into!

“I would rather be fooled than not believe.” – Mark Nepo

Today’s passage is simple, and it reminds me of a story told by David Rackoff on This American Life.  The basic idea is that we each have our own nature, and just because it might hurt to be close to others (in Mark’s fable, the spider, because it’s nature is to sting), we humans are compassionate, caring beings, because that is what we do, regardless of the spider’s sting.  David’s version involves a scorpion, and a wedding toast for an ex-girlfriend.

Here it is below.  David begins speaking at 35:40.

Today, I wanted to share a passage from, “The Book of Awakening,” by Mark Nepo.  It has become my daily ritual to wake up, and instead of checking email or facebook or jumping right into work, to read a daily passage from this book, and try to keep it with me all day.  This morning’s passage hit extremely close to home.  If anyone knows me, they know that I have grown up to be a people-pleaser, the one who cares for everyone but herself, totally self-sacrificing and it honestly hasn’t gotten me anywhere good.  Except that now that I’ve realized how much I “say yes when I mean no,” I can decide again, between my soul and pleasing others.  I made an observation after a long relationship ended, that I felt like “my soul had been sucked out of me,” and now I know what that meant.  I had agreed to things I did not want, let others plan my life for me, bully me into saying yes, until I was like that poor circus elephant that doesn’t realize it’s own strength and stays tied to the small rope and stake locking it to the ground.  What I finally did, through extreme anger and built-up frustration, was rip it from the ground, becoming someone was not quite myself, but was finally exercising my own free will to feed my soul.  What we need to realize is that we can always remove that stake, more delicately, and with love, if we are willing to care for ourselves before others, not instead of others, but so that we can care for them, as well.  Enjoy the passage.

Stephanie
—————————————

There have been many times I’ve said yes when I meant no, afraid of displeasing others, and even more afraid to be viewed as selfish.  I think the first time I decided to get married, I said yes when I meant no.  Young and inexperienced in being myself, I agreed to be a fish out of water for as long as I could, so as not to hurt of disappoint or displease.  Not surprisingly, it all ended badly.

And how many times, once trained in self-sacrifice, do we have the opposite conversation with ourselves; our passion for life saying yes, yes, yes, and our practical guardedness saying, don’t be foolish, be realistic, don’t leave yourself unprotected.  But long enough on the journey, and we come to realize an even deeper aspect of all this:  that those who truly love us will never knowingly ask us to be other than we are.

The unwavering truth is that when we agree to any demand, request, or condition that is contrary to our soul’s nature, the cost is that precious life force is drained off our core.  Despite the seeming rewards of compliance, our souls grow weary by engaging in activities that are inherently against their nature.

When we leave the crowded streets and watch any piece of of nature doing what it does–tree, moose, snake, or lightning–it becomes clear that the very energy of life is the spirit released by things being what they are.  And those of us committed to love must accept that care is the inner river flooding its banks.  Yet if the soul’s river can’t be fed by its source, there will be no care.

Seems like a lot of people I know are heading to this sunny island soon.  Here’s a re-cap of my favorites, and what you’ll have to seek out on your own!  First off, a little background on PR.

History

Puerto Rico (Spanish for “rich port”) comprises an archipelago that includes the main island of Puerto Rico and a number of smaller islands, the largest of which are Vieques, Culebra, and Mona. The main island of Puerto Rico is the smallest by land area of the Greater Antilles. It ranks third in population among that group of four islands, which include Cuba, Hispaniola (Dominican Republic and Haiti), and Jamaica. Due to its location, Puerto Rico enjoys a tropical climate and is subject to the Atlantic hurricane season.

Originally populated for centuries by indigenous aboriginal peoples known as Taínos, the island was claimed by Christopher Columbus for Spain during his second voyage to the Americas on November 19, 1493. Under Spanish rule, the island was colonized and the indigenous population was forced into slavery and wiped out due to, among other things, European infectious diseases. Spain possessed Puerto Rico for over 400 years, despite attempts at capture of the island by the French, Dutch, and British. In 1898, Spain ceded the archipelago, as well as the Philippines, to the United States as a result of its defeat in the Spanish-American War under the terms of the Treaty of Paris of 1898. Since then Puerto Rico has remained under United States rule. (Source:  wikipedia)

Where To Stay

I booked everything on Airbnb.com, a great online service, especially if you’d like to save money or stay in more unique locations.  You can book a single room, a whole house, and many times they also list small boutique hotels.  I found the quaint Pop Art Hotel in the center of Old San Juan, for two nights and their sister hotel, Villa Herencia for one night.  I’d characterize the Pop Art as a boutique hostel, similar to my favorite place at home, The Cleveland Hostel.  The staff was super friendly and their motto is exactly how I like to travel:  “Live like a local.” I had a small room, with a bathroom and it was totally bare bones, but they had a complimentary breakfast and the staff helped me make sure that I would find all the best places in PR.  That’s what matters most to me when I travel, anyway.

Villa Herencia was the most amazing boutique hotel.  It’s owned by the same hotel group as Pop Art, so I was happy to see some of the same friendly staff.   It’s not very expensive (I think I paid $90 per night), but has the most luxurious and quaint details, including a beautiful roof deck with covered beds and kitties.  The rooms are all different, with a collection of art and vintage furniture.  My tiny room had a beautiful bed with a canopy and it’s own bathroom.  Again, they had a complimentary breakfast, which I enjoyed on top of the roof before it got too hot.

Ok now the story gets interesting.  The Gallery Inn is an amazing boutique hotel that I stumbled upon just after leaving El Morro (you’ll here more about this in a minute).  And this is how:  along the northern historic wall of the city, a historical community took root in the 19th century, called La Perla.  Now, unfortunately it’s very crime ridden and just kind of desolate.  But of course I started walking toward it because I was curious, and just at the very start, amid the ruins of houses yet on the very same beautiful coast lies a place that I thought might be a house/beach shack.  I’m pretty adventurous so I went down the stairs to find a really nice beachy feeling place, yet I still had no idea if I had entered someone’s private house, or worse yet, some drug lord’s beach house.  It turned out to be the private bar/extension to The Gallery Inn (photos below).

The bartender was just about to take a group from the bar back up to the hotel for dinner, so I decided to join and explore.  I found the most amazing boutique hotel, decorated with antiques, it’s own pool, a bunch of birds and one of the most beautiful views in Old San Juan.  It was the perfect place to grab a glass of sparkling wine and watch the sun go down over the city.

To See/Do:

my favorites:  El Morro, the beach in Santurce (a neighborhood 10 minutes by cab from OSJ), flamenco, wandering around the old city

This place is amazing.  It is one of the fortresses built by the Spanish to protect Puerto Rico from invasion.  It is walkable from the old town, and was just a few steps from Villa Herencia. I spent a beautiful, sunny day exploring the many rooms, grounds and vistas of El Morro.  You can take a tour of the tunnels below the fort, but I ended up not having time.  Do not miss this place!

To Eat/Drink:

Best for breakfast/brunch/lunch:  Bistro St. Germain

Best for dinner:  Restaurante La Madre (I’ve also heard Marmalade is amazing, but I didn’t get there)

Best drinks:  Michelada, Sangrita, Ginger Martini

Best neighborhood beer bar:  La Taberna Lupulo (good music, great craft beer selection, limited but good kitchen)

Worst beer:  Old Harbor Brewery.  Do not go here.  Really bad beer and even worse ambiance.

This is a shipping container restaurant in Santurce, called Cafe Tresbe.  The tacos were great, but the ambiance isn’t great (it’s right on the street) and the staff was kind of annoyed to be there, which seemed typical of a fancy hotel bar.  It’s still worth it, so grab tacos there and then head over to their fabulous beaches, about a 5 minute walk.  You’ll need to take a taxi to Santurce from OSJ.  I did have a difficult time finding authentic Puerto Rican cuisine, as most places that served that seemed to be super touristy.

Ok, I have to mention Bistro Saint Germain, just steps from the Pop Art Hotel.  I had at least 4-5 meals there, and even did a happy hour on their rooftop bar.  Get the quiche, ceviche, dessert, and don’t forget the fresh-made ginger martini.  They also have ginger lemonade, which is spicy and tangy.  It’s best for brunch and lunch, and then move upstairs for their happy hour drinks.  You’ll get some little bar snacks complimentary with drinks, but I’m not sure if they have a full dinner there or not.

The bar at St. Germain is dark, but lit with constantly changing colored lighting.  You can sit inside or outside on a small balcony.  Drinks are handcrafted, and you can get exceptional service.

I first noticed the elusive sangrita in Mexico City.  Everyone was getting beer, then two shot glasses would arrive as well, one with tomato juice and one with tequila.  I think that’s traditional, but you can make sangrita with any fruit or vegetable, but it’s always served with the same amount of tequila, so you can sip both.  It’s essentially a deconstructed margarita, served along side a tasty beer.  My favorite was at Restaurante La Madre, which also had the best food I found in Old San Juan.  They have traditional Mexican entrees served in a hip, fun bar scene.  It also seems like it’s a mostly local joint.  The bartender made a special sangrita, passion fruit, and it was one of the best things I’ve ever tasted.  And get the tacos.  You won’t be disappointed.

Restaurant La Madre, 351 Calle San Francisco

Michelada is a beer mixed with tomato juice, sometimes spicy.  It was super refreshing and I loved drinking these at the beach.  I’ve vowed to start making these at home, but I have yet to do it!

If you’re ever in Rincon, you’ll definitely have to stop by La Copa Llena.  It’s got the most beautiful view, and amazing food and very addictive spicy cocktails.  Now, onto something healthier……

This was some amazing juice from Carta Buena in Rincon.  Fortified with banana vinegar, kelp, kale, banana, orange and some more stuff that I can’t remember.  Sipping it by this beach was pure heaven.

This place, Cafe Lola, was run by a former Ohioan who moved to Puerto Rico with her husband to start a horse farm and then opened a bar.  I have no idea how to get there, but it was on the road from San Juan to Rincon.  Even though it seems like it’s totally off the beaten path, there were so many cars and so much traffic.  I got to try one of the most amazing drinks on the planet there, homemade coquito, which is essentially Puerto Rican eggnong, and it was what I believe I could become addicted to.  For all my peeps that are trying to avoid dairy, this would be perfect.

**Coffee:  I did not find one single place that was roasting coffee better than Rising Star Coffee Roasters in Cleveland.

It was a m a z i n g.

To Shop:  The only stores I came across that weren’t totally touristy were Concalma and Hecho a Mano.

Concalma had a bunch of local, handmade goods, and I actually got to meet the artists, so I think that’s what I’d recommend for sure!

I bought nothing.  I made amazing memories, had some drinks and spoke French with some crazy French sailors in Old San Juan, snorkled my ass off in Rincon (where I saw a sea turtle, and some of the most amazing coral reefs in the Caribbean).  I also definitely decided I want to make more exotic cuisine at home, and host a sangrita party!  How amazing is it that there is an authentic Puerto Rican restaurant here, in CLE, and that is where I’ll try my first rice and beans and mofongo.

Via finderskeepersmarket

I’ve been really busy prepping for my first CLE Flea, and haven’t had a chance to post.  I came across this today, and it was really inspiring.

Here’s a little afternoon inspiration.

“The greats weren’t great because at birth they could paint.  The greats were great because they paint a lot.”